


Superwholocked Teddy Bjorn

by poD7et



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Sherlock (TV), Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M, Sex Pollen, Stuff, and bad disalogue, i'm not certain, i'm very drunk, polyfiberfill, this is pretty much all dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 08:43:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7215496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poD7et/pseuds/poD7et
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Polyfiberfil as sex pollen. I'm not sure what's happening. I might be very drunk right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Superwholocked Teddy Bjorn

**Author's Note:**

> Right. Forgot to say the prompt thing. I used a random number generator and got teddy bear, Rowena, Superwholock.

“Sherlock?”

“. . .”

“ _Sherlock!_ ”

“. . .”

“ _ **SHERLOCK!!!**_ ”

“John, if you would just be quiet for half a moment I cou--” Sherlock looked up from his work to find two strangers, a man and a woman, where he last left John. “Well, that was certainly unexpected.”

“Hello!” the female said with what could best be described as ‘skeptical chipperness.’

“I was starting to think that he’d never notice.” John mumbled to no one in particular.

“Never notice what?” Sherlock inquired.

“Us!” replied the other stranger raising both hands with fingers spread and gesturing to the presence of both himself and his companion.

“How long have you been there?” Sherlock asked.

“Well, according to my calcula--”

“On second thought, not important.” 

“Yes, of course. Let’s start with introductions. I’m the do--”

“Why are you standing inside a police box?” Sherlock asked.

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know.” the man said with an impossibly large smile spreading across his face. He seemed ready to give a speech that was both well-known and well-loved.

“Yes.” Sherlock answered honestly.

“Yes?” the man repeated incredulously. 

“Yes.” he repeated walking toward the blue call box.

“Sherlock?” John asked, his voice filled with warning.

“Not you again.”

“Again? So you were listening?”

“Of course I was listening. I’m always listening.”

“If you were listening, then why didn’t you say anything about the curious appearance of a blue police box. Especially given the fact that police boxes haven’t been in popular use in over 40 years and that the last known police box was removed in 1981.”

“Is that all?” John huffed.

“Yes, I do believe so.”

“So you have nothing to say about how it would be exceedingly odd for the police box to appear here, in the _bloody_ Bloody Tower of London? You only felt the need to spout obscure facts about the retirement of police boxes?”

Sherlock tilted his head and squinted at John in genuine confusion.

“Would you like to see the inside of my box?” the man asked while the woman rolled her eyes.

“Rather forward of you, Doctor.” the woman scoffed, “Usually, there’s more of a to-do about keeping people out of the box so that when they’re finally in they’re all ‘Oi, it’s bigger on the inside!’ and then you get all carried away showing off and rambling on.”

“You’re a doctor?”

“The Doctor.”

“Doctor of what?”

“Doctor Who . . .” the Doctor grumbled. “If you’re going to do it, do it right?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. But if you’re a doctor of medicine I could certainly use a second set of eyes seeing as how John here is clearly of no use to me at the moment.”

“Sherlock! He’s dead. They’re alive. I think you need to reevaluate your priorities.”

“. . .”

“What? Have you realized I’m right and you’re working out how to admit that you’ve lost?”

“No. I was reevaluating. But I stick by my decision.”

“Guys! Guys! Guys!” the Doctor said with a slight warble in his voice. “Does it really matter who’s right or wrong?”

“YES.” John and Sherlock snapped at the same time then they turned and glared at each other.

“Who the hell is that?” the woman asked.

“Language, Amy.”

“My name is Castiel. I’m an angel of the Lord.”

“There’s no such thing as angels.” the Doctor rebutted.

Castiel tilted his head and squinted.

“Finally, someone’s talking some sense around here.” Sherlock said to the Doctor.

“Sir, I think you’re suffering from some sort of trauma. You’re not an angel. Angels aren’t real. You’re a human. Homo sapien. Just like the rest of us.”

“He’s not.” Castiel said pointing at the Doctor who smiled sheepishly. “And she’s not from now.”

John stepped toward the new gentleman to examine him. Clearly he’s had some sort of head trauma to be this confused.

“Oh he’s good.” Amy said.

“What do you mean, ‘he’s not?’” Sherlock inquired.

“Sherlock! Don’t tell me you believe him. Clearly he’s mad.”

“Now while I do admit that I was a bit preoccupied when the police box--”

“TARDIS.” Amy suggested.

“I was a bit preoccupied when the TARDIS arrived, but I had my wits about me when this man entered the tower. And seeing as how he’s on the far end of the room and the TARDIS is blocking the entrance to this room, one would have to assume that he had quite a clever means of entrance. Which also belies that he has a knowledge beyond that of you or I.”

“Mr. Holmes, I am an angel of the Lord and I am here with a very important message.”

“NO FUCKING WAY.” Amy shouted.

Everyone stared at Amy.

“Holmes.”

She was met with silence.

“ _Sherlock_. Holmes.”

“That’s my name.”

“ _The_ Sherlock Holmes. And you’re Mr. Watson, I presume.”

“Yes. How did you . . .”

“Sherlock and Watson. They’re real. They’re really real! And isn’t this a bit off? I mean, shouldn’t we be in Victorian London or something?” Amy asked the Doctor.

“Well they’re not real. They’re fictional characters invented by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.” the Doctor said.

“Well, clearly they are because they’re standing right there.”

“Dude, that’s Sherlock Holmes?”

“Dean, I see you made it.”

“Yeah. It only took all of my patience to convince this bitch of a witch to get us here without me killing her.”

“Like you could actually kill me.”

“Dean is very resourceful.” Castiel said.

“Oh, like a _human_ could kill me. You think I survived the past few centuries on my looks alone?”

“Would someone mind telling me what exactly is going on here?” John shouted. “Humans. Angels. Witches? Well, I mean, if that’s your religion, I’m not one to judge. Political correctness and all that. But . . . CENTURIES?”

“Human.” Amy volunteered.

“Us to.” Dean said indicating himself and another, taller man.

“Time Lord.”

“Witch.”

“Teddybjörn” said a disembodied voice.

“That’s it!” John said, his voice rising several octaves. “I’ve finally lost it.”

And that’s when I small teddy bear burst out from under Sam’s jacket. 

John rubbed his eyes.

“Heya sweet cheeks.” the bear said in a surprisingly low voice that reminded John of a middle-aged man who smokes too many cigars and drank too much whiskey.

“What the fuuuck . . .”

“With a mouth that dirty, you should really suck a cock.”

“WHAT?” John cried.

“Shut your damn pie-hole!” Dean shouted.

“Only after you admit that you have it hard *cough* real hard for the angel.”

“One more damn word and I’ll . . .”

“Dean, just admit you’re a little gay for the angel.”

Amy snorted.

“And you, don’t tell me you haven’t thought about doing the nasty with him.” the bear said pointing at the Doctor.

John laughed.

“Wow, and you’re super gay for the skinny bloke.”

“I thought I told you to fucking shut your trap.” Dean growled.

“And I thought I told you to fucking fuck Castiel.”

And in one swift movement, Dean brandished a blade and severed the bear’s head from it’s body.

A small puff of polyfiber fill infested the air and every being in the room started to cough.

When the polyester fibers finally settled, everyone surveyed the the room with lust-filled eyes. Everyone except the teddybjörn. He lay lifeless on the floor. And in less than a moment, Amy jumped the Doctor, the witch jumped Amy, John, jumped Sherlock, and Dean jumped Castiel. Sam just stared with his own (rather hard and quite large cock) in hand until suddenly another being apparated into the fray. He was short, and male, and had no problem pinning Sam to the floor. The witch made herself scarce before the polyfil filled the air.

There was much grunting and groaning before the whole affair was done.

Dean found himself cuddling with Cas long after everyone else disentangled. When he realized the faux pas he quickly removed his limbs from the angel. 

“Well, I guess the teddybjörn is no longer a problem.” Dean said.

“Yes.” breathed a rather breathless Sam after his partner disappeared.

“Is that it?” asked John.

“I suppose so.” Sherlock answered, “Although, next time I coudl deal wtih a bit more friction.” 

John blushed a deep red.

“I suppose we can arrange that.” John answered.

**Author's Note:**

> This was clearly a spncoldesthits.


End file.
